Regret isn't Enough
by Metallicafangirl
Summary: A look inside Vincent Valentine's mind as he thinks about what he has done, and how he regrets it
1. Regret

I look at the gun in my hand. I don't know why I do this now. I know why, I just don't know why I didn't do this earlier. All time did was to give me more crimes to add to my list, more sins to atone for  
  
All the people I have murdered in cold blood, all the lives that I have ruined. Looking back at them now, I wonder how I've managed to keep my sanity intact, how I even manage to get up in the mornings.  
  
My hands are tainted with the blood of innocents, and no amount of water in the world can make it go away. I have killed so many, not once bothering to regret what I did. Now I do. I regret that I ever became a Turk. I regret I ever picked up a gun. I regret I was even born.  
  
I can still remember the first time I was to assassinate a child. I had taken lives before, but never a child's. I remember the little girl looking at me with frightened eyes, crying silently. She was intelligent, she knew what was about to happen. I held the gun to her forehead, and whispered;  
  
" I am sorry for this."  
  
She only looked at me with sad eyes.  
  
" Goodbye." She whispered back before I fired. She didn't once protest or ask me why. She knew why. Her father had told her. Her father was the one who paid my wages. Yes, it was President Shinra's daughter. You didn't know Rufus had a sister, did you? Sephiroth really did the world a favour when he killed the President.  
  
I glance over at my travelling companions. They are playing a game of cards, laughing and joking, not a cloud on their sky, excuse my pun. I used to be like them, so innocent, so pure. Now, I am no more human than Chaos is. I have seen too much slaughter and death; I have seen too many people meet their ends, killed by my hands.  
  
The thoughts about my past serve only to strengthen my resolve. Resolutely I lift my gun and point it at my temple, my finger on the trigger.  
  
"Vincent!"  
  
I look up and meet the gaze of Tifa Lockheart.  
  
" We're leaving, Vincent." She says.  
  
I sigh, and re-sheathing my gun, I follow her. We are going to the last battle with Sephiroth. That is the last thing I will have to do before I can end the life of the being that was once Vincent Valentine. 


	2. Chaos Undivided

I am back in Midgar. I don't know why I decided to return to the scene of so many of my crimes, but here I am, walking through the streets of the rebuilt Sector Seven.  
  
Sephiroth is defeated. A great threat to the Planet has been eliminated, but a greater one still remains. I am still here. For every step I take, the further I step away from myself, or the man I once was. And for every step, I take one step closer to becoming Chaos undivided.  
  
I look up at the large buildings looming above me. It has been so long since I was here, but I can still remember each and every little thing. Like how the rain sounded on a tin roof, how I could always feel the little pebbles through the soles of my worn boots.  
  
//You're such a sentimental wimp, Valentine//  
  
/ Shut up, Chaos/  
  
Yes, Chaos is growing stronger for every minute that passes. I can feel my control over him slipping further away; I can feel him escaping my grasp. These little conversations in my head occur more often now, and there is nothing I can do to stop them.  
  
I look around me. Nothing has changed, nothing. Everything is still the same, even after all those years. The streets are still as filthy, and the children playing on them are still as starved. I used to be one of those children, playing in the gutter. Not even then was I innocent. When you live on the street, you learn that innocence will get you nowhere.  
  
I was no more than eleven when I killed my first man in a street fight. It was by accident, really. I had gotten hold of a knife, and was holding it out in front of me, when he stumbled and landed on it.  
  
Why am I here, you ask? Why didn't I kill myself after the battle with Sephiroth? Firstly, because I honestly did not think I would survive. Secondly, because Chaos won't let me. I've tried to commit suicide, but he has stopped me every time. He is pathetically scared of the thought of me dying. Why? Because if I go, so does he, and he doesn't want to leave just yet.  
  
//Yet? I don't ever wanna leave//  
  
/ Be quiet, Chaos/  
  
I walk around a corner, just as Chaos talks again.  
  
//Valentine, I smell blood.//  
  
/ Silence/  
  
Even if I shut him up, I don't throw away his words as easily, he is generally right about these things. I wrap my cloak tighter around me, and walk a bit faster. The smell of blood in the slums can only mean one thing; Street fight. And I do not want to get caught in one of those, no matter how great my wish for death is.  
  
I turn around another corner, hoping to get out of here soon. I do not hear the gunfire until it is too late.  
  
I am hit in the chest by several bullets, and have no time to even think of dodging them. In shock, I stare at my chest, and then at my killer. Or should I say, savior? I fall to my knees, and my vision starts to sway.  
  
// Don't you dare die on me, Valentine!//  
  
/ Shut.up.Chaos./  
  
That is the last thing I think before darkness overtakes me. Yes, it is finally over. I do not have to suffer anymore. I will not wake up to the echo of my own screams, having once again dreamed of the lives I have taken. No more pain. No more tears...  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Tony Carrera walked towards the cemetery gates when a gravestone caught his eye. He walks over to it. It is not particularly big, or fancy, or remarkable in any other way. It is a simple, grey, boring stone, but there is something different about it.  
  
. Here Lies Vincent Valentine  
  
. Date of Birth Unknown  
  
. Date of Death 16 March  
  
Nothing very special about that, but it is the inscription under the name that puzzles Tony.  
  
. Chaos Undivided  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ END  
  
And that's it. I didn't mean to kill to kill him, people, but that is the way it turned out. - Metallicafangirl 


End file.
